If you’ve spent more than a day on LinkedIn in your life, you may have noticed that the networking service has developed a language all of its own. If you were a tad unkind, you might say LinkedIn users self-promote every tiny career moment in such a cliched way, it’s a wonder that their words aren’t written by AI.
Or, if you wanted to turn that last sentence into more, uh, proactively positive LinkedIn speak: “We’re seeing so many thought leaders lean into the hustle, celebrating every micro-win with such a growth-oriented narrative that you’d swear it was automated. It’s all about that personal branding and staying humble while scaling your impact! #GrowthMindset #PersonalBranding #HustleCulture.”
The English-to-LinkedIn translation service, in this case, was automated. Kagi, a premium search service where you pay for what is essentially an ad-free, pro-privacy Google that actually works (our sister website Lifehacker swears by it), also offers free AI-based language translation.
And in a smart marketing move worthy of a LinkedIn update, Kagi has introduced more humorous internet subculture “languages” among its translation options. LinkedIn, launched Wednesday, is only the latest: there’s Reddit speak (lots of “weird-ass,” “cringe” and “banana for scale”), Pirate Speak (“tis a wonder their words aren’t written by some mechanical ghost”), and complete fictional languages like Klingon (you’ll be glad to know Klingons hunt for work on “LinkedInDaq.”)
But it’s the LinkedIn lingo making waves on social media this week. I can see why, because this is more than a novelty — it’s a hilarious and actually useful translation service. When it comes to human-style AI speak taking over our digital lives, the LinkedIn translator is touching the same nerve as Your AI Slop Bores Me — not to mention George Orwell’s Newspeak.
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There’s a game-like aspect to the translations, and the game is: is there any human activity that couldn’t be made to sound doubleplusgood in a LinkedIn post? If there is, I haven’t found it yet.
Wasted the afternoon in bed? No, you “decided to prioritize a strategic recharge to optimize cognitive performance and long-term productivity.” Started injecting heroin? Call it “a high-intensity, daily commitment to a specialized chemical routine” that taught you about “supply chain consistency” and “a relentless focus on personal objectives, no matter the cost.” Murdered a co-worker? Nonsense, my friend, you “successfully offboarded a team member … to optimize long-term headcount.”
The translation works the other way around, too: LinkedIn speak into plain English. That’s right — the next time your boss writes a 10,000-word LinkedIn epic that could have been a three-line email, there’s no need to Google all the obscure marketing or management jargon. Just Kagi the whole thing.
And if you need to write a comment in response, know that “I hated this and I am dumber for reading it” can also be rendered as “’While I’m always looking for ways to challenge my current mindset, this particular content reminded me of the importance of being intentional with the information we consume. Grateful for the learning opportunity!”
Hey, maybe AI will save white collar workers’ jobs after all.